Is It Bitchiness or Burnout? | The Number One Reason Why Working Hard Is Not Enough

Burnout is one of the most overused terms in our society today.

That’s why people tend to ignore those who claim to have it or are trying to manage it.

Many people think burnout isn’t real. It’s just an excuse for lazy people to stop working or stop performing as hard as they have been. In reality, burnout isn’t just about being lethargic or tired. It’s your body’s way of telling you that you need to switch gears, or you will eventually shut down.

The problem with today’s “hustle” culture is that it’s rooted in a fear and scarcity-based mindset. We have been conditioned to be afraid that if we aren’t always working that we will “miss” something. That we won’t get ahead. Or simply just be labeled unmotivated, lazy, and undeserving of success.

On the other side of that coin is knowing that there lies great power in rest. Relaxation. A retreat.

Most things in life are not designed to keep going without a pause, break, or reset. And we are no exception.

So why is this the mindset that most of us subscribe to when it comes to living the life that we want?

Money.

It’s that plain and simple.

With each passing decade, we gain more and more tools to work more, connect more, be available more. And yet, many have found that productivity after a certain point of constant working steadily declines over time. Rather than operate from that standpoint, we have been told the exact opposite.

“Don’t see the results you want?” Work harder.

When you take a step back and truly look at who that message is coming from, it is always spoken from the mouths from those who have achieved a certain accomplishment, milestone, or other desirable aspect of their own lives. And often, this message is driven from the person who has the very resources that we desire.

What Are We Working Towards?

For many that is money. For others it may be time. Flexibility. Freedom.

Despite this – all these people have one thing in common: The consistency in the actions they choose to take. The right actions that led to their success.

This is the key piece that no one talks about. Or rather, when we do speak about taking action, many people preach on about how their way is the ONLY and RIGHT way to execute tasks.

For those of us who haven’t achieved the level that we aspire to be, depending on how long we’ve been on this journey, we may feel desperate and alone because we feel that everything, we have tried is not good enough.

Today’s marketing offers lots of information, but it doesn’t offer continued support on how each person’s journey in business will be different. In 2024, too many business owners have mastered the art of manipulating people’s fear-based emotions and convincing them that they are broken. And of course, the only way to fix them is to offer your product or service.

When you reach your lowest point of being burned out, it’s generally not something you notice right away. For me, I had been putting countless hours into trying to be all things to everyone and everything for nearly a decade.

The fact this didn’t catch up to me sooner was pure luck at best.

So You’re Burned Out. Now What?

Recognizing that I needed time to recover was not something that came naturally. In fact, it required me to be more observant about the response I would have to everyday things – mentally or physically. I had to learn to set better boundaries, when to say no, and not overextend my capabilities when I knew something would have negative consequences down the line.

But that wasn’t something I learned to do on my own.

It took a couple of years of ongoing therapy, personal coaching, professional development, and even trauma management to get back into a positive position on how I chose to manage my life.

Burnout is something that looks different from person to person. Much like that of anxiety, depression, and grief – every individual, myself included, manages their emotions, their mental states, and their day-to-day actions in different ways.

Recognizing I was burned out wasn’t something that I recognized right away. In fact, it took me years.

Although the process was gradual, I began noticing that I felt more and more fatigued as time went on.

Waking up to start the day and shutting my mind down at night before bed became increasingly difficult.

Things that once brought me joy I was no longer interested in.

Projects or tasks that used to come easy to me or that I historically excelled in were no longer challenging to execute.

As months turned into years, I realized one vacation, one good night of sleep, or one period of time off was not going to fix how I felt. The reason I know this is because I’ve tried these things to remedy the situation. And while it offers temporary relief – the problem persists unless you deal with the underlying issues that cause burnout in the first place.

My own personal experience with burnout is still ongoing as I write this blog. For twenty years, I did nothing but work. It started in high school out of necessity to make my own ends meet with things I needed for school. Going to school full-time is enough on it’s own, but the minute I was able to, I added 32 hours of outside work into the mix.

From then on, it became second nature that I balanced work and school. Every minute and hour of the day was always filled with something. And after college, I didn’t slow down. If anything – the need to constantly work became worse.

At one point I held 3 jobs, working over 60 hours a week, all while trying to balance a long-distance relationship and attempting to manage living on my own in my early 20s.

In retrospect, when things became simpler with one job, what I should have done was take the time to slow down and understand where I wanted to go and how I was going to navigate toward getting there. However, at the time, all that I knew was what I had heard and what I was taught which was to work harder.

The message always has been reiterated over and over again that if you aren’t seeing the results that you want out of life, the problem is that you aren’t working hard enough. While the intention behind this message is intended to motivate people, it is simply not true and only half of the equation when it comes to success.

Experiencing burnout long-term has made me take a more introspective view over the past decade and recognize that most of my efforts, hard work, and time spent while well-intentioned and taught me many lessons, was ultimately ineffective for the results I actually desired.

Much of the disappointment of putting in hard work and feeling like you receive lackluster or no results, is what can begin the cycle of burning out.

What Brought Me To This Point

In a society where you are expected to see instant gratification for your actions, it can feel exceptionally defeating to put in time consistently toward something and not see the results you are looking for.

This is the reason why I started my business.

I hated the feeling of waking up each and every day feeling as if there was a larger purpose I was supposed to fulfill.

It felt like wasted time to spend majority of my life waking up to a job that gave someone else the life they wanted while I felt stuck in a hamster wheel of repeating the same things day after day with no satisfaction.

It was no longer acceptable to me that poor mental health, lack of direction, and dissatisfaction with one’s overall life has been normalized since as long as I can remember.

I created Simply Stellar Solutions because I’ve seen firsthand how others are growing tired of working constantly with little to no return.

Personally, this looks like participating in societal norms of having jobs we hate but are told to have because we have bills and mortgages to pay. Following career paths for stability and not passion or purpose. Basing our choices on what other people think or to please others rather than following our hearts.

Professionally, this shows up in organizations that base their decisions on what can generate money the fastest – not necessarily what is most efficient or would benefit the company long term.

If we take the time to look at many of the choices that we make from an outside perspective, many of us will find that there are far too many decisions made because it’s what’s expected of us – not because it was something we desired or wanted to have.

By the time you have surpassed three decades on this earth, it’s not unusual to ask yourself if the life you have is the one you want or aspire to have. Mid-life crises happen to those of us who are desperately trying to grasp to some semblance of what they always thought their life would be like. It’s their attempt to fill in the gap.

But rather than filling a void, or implementing a short-term fix, what if you changed your lifestyle to match what you wanted? Is it really that difficult? Or are we choosing to make it harder than it is?

I created my business not only as a necessity to others – but ultimately to myself. My experience with periods of anxiety and depression which always led me back to burnout stemmed from one thing: Superwoman Syndrome.

I have heard my entire life that I don’t get to take shortcuts. That if I want to succeed I have to be twice as good, work twice as hard, be multifaceted, and most importantly – learn to balance any and all aspects of my personal and professional life with a smile on my face. It starts with learning to juggle your career and your home life. Then you add in social activities. Extracurricular activities and commitments. Supporting your community, your family, your friends.

Before you know it, this balanced life we speak of is actually nonexistent because we’ve been taking care of everyone – except ourselves.

The older I get, the more I despise the concept of being a “strong, Black woman.”

• Am I proud of being strong? Yes!

• Am I honored to identify as Black? 100 percent!

• Am I grateful to experience this life as a woman? Absolutely!

But the combination of doing this shit every single day, is – well, exhausting.

It’s the schema of being a strong, Black woman that got me burned out in the first place.

• I didn’t feel like I could make mistakes.

• I didn’t feel like I could or deserved to rest.

• I didn’t feel like I could be human.

My life has always been managed as if I’m a machine.

And sadly, this is the story for most women just like me who believed that the harder they worked, the closer they came to achieving “success.”

Except, the needle always moves farther and farther.

The benchmark is constantly changing.

The finish line gets pushed back with each goal that’s accomplished.

It’s a never ending cycle.

That is until you decide to break it.

Half the battle of Superwoman Syndrome is recognizing and accepting the fact that you don’t have to DO it all to HAVE it all.

You can have the life you desire by simply making different lifestyle choices. And for many of us – it’s not that we can’t do it. It’s that we don’t want to.

It’s so deeply ingrained in us that we need to be the ones in charge. We need to be the ones who people choose to come to with their problems. That we have to be the ones to sacrifice our time, our attention, and even our health to benefit others.

Once I realized that there was more power in doing less, I vowed to never make the mistake of trying to take on the world ever again. And it’s my mission to make sure you don’t either.